We'll see how long I can keep my hands off you. It could go either way.
[But Saturn's pretty sure the answer is going to be, not long. He turns to get the shower on and the water adjusted; he's sandy and salty too, so it's a relief to rinse it off regardless of any sexy reasons for it.]
. . . Now you've got me thinking about permanent marks.
[Saturn is picky enough to wait for it to warm a little, but he's eager enough that he steps under earlier than he normally would, lifting his hands to palm over Vicious's back in a way that is possibly helping some to brush sand off into the stream of the shower.]
Well. I like that kind of thing, you know. Doing it to my lovers, and having it done to me . . . it just never occurred to me to try doing something permanent. But now I want to, very much. I don't care if it's not an original idea, I want to carry you with me.
[Vicious shifts into Saturn's hands, clearly helping to get the sand off.
When his breath catches it's at Saturn's words, though, and his voice is a little deeper.]
...I do know. Wouldn't've assumed you'd want somethin' like that forever, though. Well, even with Ingo, I told him I'd take it out when I felt like it.
[Now he's working specifically on getting the sand off Vicious's chest, which just happens to involve a lot of rubbing his hands over it, thumbs brushing at both nipples here and there, almost as if by accident.]
. . . Anyway. I do. I would want it to see every day of my life, when I can't just look at you instead.
[Vicious tilts his head away and lets his eyes close.]
...I can't even really imagine that kinda thing. Bein' with someone forever. It's a crazy set o' people who wanna be with me for any length of time. So I kinda just figure it'll end eventually.
[He just rests his face there in the crook of Vicious's neck, relaxing against him under the spray of the shower.]
. . . It probably will. But not because that's the outcome I want. I only don't know what else to do . . . it torments me constantly. Wanting to be with you is the easy part. That I don't need to question. It may make me crazy, but if so, I'm happy to be crazy.
[He tips his face up only a little, cheek dragging against Vicious's bare skin. As if he's going to look up at him, but he doesn't actually move enough to do that, not wanting to dislodge Vicious's fingers.]
Well. You do have a point . . . I've come to realize that it is work. It's not effortless to love and be with someone. But I appreciate that about it, too. It feels as if it means more that way. . . . It was something you never had reason to think about before, wasn't it?
Well, it ain't exactly somethin' that came up much.
...Guess the closest is prob'ly Kanata... He was the first one to stick around me by choice, and after a bit I realized I wanted to stick with him 'til the end. Still figured there was an end comin', though, and prob'ly sooner rather than later. Never even thought there could be any other outcome.
There always will be. I don't want to accept that, but . . . I have to. I only don't know how. Vicious . . . did you ever think about how you would feel when that end came?
...Rather than bein' worried about it endin', it's more like I keep bein' surprised every minute it's still goin'. Every minute of closeness and love is a minute more than makes sense for me to have.
Should I be scared of feelin' the loss when it finally happens? I dunno. Things're different now. I dunno what to expect.
[Saturn takes a breath. But he can't think of anything immediate he wants to say as much as he just wants to lean back enough to tip his face up properly this time and pull Vicious back in to kiss him, mouthing for his lips. A minute of closeness and love . . . ]
[Vicious moves his hand out of Saturn's hair, caressing down his spine and settling at the small of his back to hold him there as he obligingly leans in to meet his lips, huffing before kissing him firmly.]
[That was an important conversation, and Saturn's glad they had it. And he's equally glad that they're back to this, too, closing his eyes and throwing himself eagerly into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Vicious's body. He still wants to think about marks, but that can happen in a little bit. First he needs to feel him.]
[The shower has washed away most of the sand on Vicious's body by now, though there are still some trace bits. He pulls Saturn up against him with a small growl.]
[The little growl gets a sharper, louder mm! out of Saturn, and a quick intake of breath. It turns out being growled at is extremely hot. He drags both hands down Vicious's back, turning his nails against him to rake down from shoulders all the way down to his ass.]
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[But Saturn's pretty sure the answer is going to be, not long. He turns to get the shower on and the water adjusted; he's sandy and salty too, so it's a relief to rinse it off regardless of any sexy reasons for it.]
. . . Now you've got me thinking about permanent marks.
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Oh yeah...? What else are ya thinkin' about?
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Well. I like that kind of thing, you know. Doing it to my lovers, and having it done to me . . . it just never occurred to me to try doing something permanent. But now I want to, very much. I don't care if it's not an original idea, I want to carry you with me.
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When his breath catches it's at Saturn's words, though, and his voice is a little deeper.]
...I do know. Wouldn't've assumed you'd want somethin' like that forever, though. Well, even with Ingo, I told him I'd take it out when I felt like it.
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[Now he's working specifically on getting the sand off Vicious's chest, which just happens to involve a lot of rubbing his hands over it, thumbs brushing at both nipples here and there, almost as if by accident.]
. . . Anyway. I do. I would want it to see every day of my life, when I can't just look at you instead.
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...Wouldn't've assumed ya wanted to be lookin' at me every day of your life, either.
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I know. You wouldn't assume that of me or anyone . . . that's why I'm telling you. I ought to say such things more often. Because I do.
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[Vicious reaches up to run a wet hand through Saturn's hair.]
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[Saturn shifts his weight to sway forward and press a kiss to Vicious's neck; that's all he does, for now, but he lingers for a while with it.]
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...I can't even really imagine that kinda thing. Bein' with someone forever. It's a crazy set o' people who wanna be with me for any length of time. So I kinda just figure it'll end eventually.
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. . . It probably will. But not because that's the outcome I want. I only don't know what else to do . . . it torments me constantly. Wanting to be with you is the easy part. That I don't need to question. It may make me crazy, but if so, I'm happy to be crazy.
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You're thinkin' too much. You don't gotta know all the details. Wantin' it is the important part.
...I don't think it's all that easy, either.
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[He tips his face up only a little, cheek dragging against Vicious's bare skin. As if he's going to look up at him, but he doesn't actually move enough to do that, not wanting to dislodge Vicious's fingers.]
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Wantin' to be with someone. Least in that way... wantin' to keep bein' with 'em. S'hard to want somethin' ya don't even think about.
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...Guess the closest is prob'ly Kanata... He was the first one to stick around me by choice, and after a bit I realized I wanted to stick with him 'til the end. Still figured there was an end comin', though, and prob'ly sooner rather than later. Never even thought there could be any other outcome.
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[Vicious has to process that for a few seconds.]
...Rather than bein' worried about it endin', it's more like I keep bein' surprised every minute it's still goin'. Every minute of closeness and love is a minute more than makes sense for me to have.
Should I be scared of feelin' the loss when it finally happens? I dunno. Things're different now. I dunno what to expect.
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[Vicious moves his hand out of Saturn's hair, caressing down his spine and settling at the small of his back to hold him there as he obligingly leans in to meet his lips, huffing before kissing him firmly.]
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[That was an important conversation, and Saturn's glad they had it. And he's equally glad that they're back to this, too, closing his eyes and throwing himself eagerly into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Vicious's body. He still wants to think about marks, but that can happen in a little bit. First he needs to feel him.]
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